Saturday, January 22, 2011

The Tao Of the Knife

I carry at least four blades on my person at all times - all Times! You never know when you'll need to brandish some steal. Let me give a for-instance: the other day I woke up to discover that I had completely forgotten everything. Now, only two things could explain this: either the evil spirit that haunts me had succeeded in bringing about some type of apocalypse (zombie, Born again or otherwise) or my Mountain Dew/ Hot fry bender of the preceding evening overloaded my brain with joy chemicals. Turns out, the second option was the right one, but for close to twelve hours I was committed to the first theory of my sudden amnesia. Luckily, while in my survival mode, my trusted blades were at hand. I was able to run an old homeless man from his station under a choice overpass with just a few waves of Lucinda (my lovely and sensuous bowie). The old fool even left a nice tarp behind, which, when the Dew haze faded, I returned home with. Yes, I fashioned it into a shower curtain. You see, by sacrificing a little belt real estate, I was able to not only survive what I thought was end times, but thrive!           

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